


17 - Letting Go

by Caera1996



Series: The Basics of Primary Ed. 'verse [19]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, LAWG, M/M, Request Fill, TBoPE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:54:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the result of a request for: Something prompts Jo to ask questions about her mom, but she's afraid of hurting Jim's feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was beautiful today – breezy and sunny. And sitting comfortably in the huge branches of the banyan tree, the leaves so thick around them they could hardly see the ground, Joanna confided in Janie, telling her the secret she’d been holding on to for the last couple of days, and handed her the envelope she’d been hiding in her room for all that time, too.  
  
Janie studied the envelope, her eyes widening when she realized what she was holding, and she glanced back up at Jo in surprise. She recognized the first name…she and Joanna had spent a couple of hours internet searching once, but they hadn’t really found anything. After a moment, Janie handed the unopened letter back to Joanna. “I think you should open it,” she said.  
  
Joanna sighed and turned the envelope over in her hands. Her eyes traced the handwritten addresses, trying to imagine the person connected to the hand who wrote those few lines with such perfect, precise penmanship. It was odd…to look at something written by someone she’s never even met and see similarities in the way they both wrote in cursive.  
  
“It’s addressed to my dad,” she said, her voice full of uncertainty. “Isn’t that a federal offense?”  
  
Janie rolled her eyes at Jo, and pulled her legs up against her chest to rest her chin on her knees as she turned on the thick branch and rested her back against the tree trunk.  
  
“I highly doubt your dad is going to call the police,” she said dryly.  
  
“No, but he might ground me forever.”  
  
“Jo – she’s your  _mom_. Len never talks about her…you’ve never seen a picture of her...but they’re writing each other? That’s totally messed up. It isn’t fair. I say open it.”  
  
Joanna bit her lip, her fingers tracing the seal of the envelope. She wanted to know about her mother…so much it actually almost hurt. But she didn’t have anyone to ask. She didn’t want to ask her dad – it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about her. And she didn’t want to ask her oide, Jim. She loved him, and didn’t want him to think she wished for someone else in her life besides for him and her dad. Because she didn’t. She just…wanted to know.  
  
Why did her mother basically abandoned her?  
  
Why didn’t her father ever talk about her?  
  
If, maybe, now that she wasn’t a crying, messy baby, her mother want to meet her?  
  
And…so many other questions. Some she didn’t even realize she had until Jim asked her to get the mail the other day, and this letter to her father was there. From Jocelyn. All she ever knew about her mom was her name.  
  
She blinked and a tear ran down her cheek.  
  
“Oh…no…don’t cry,” Janie said. She uncurled and moved carefully to where Joanna sat cradled in the vee of two sturdy branches. Janie reached for her and Joanna leaned forward to meet her, accepting the comfort of a hug from the girl who knew her better than almost anyone. Janie pulled back and Joanna wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Jo…I don’t know why your dad never talks about your mom…but I do know he wouldn’t want you to be so sad. Neither would Uncle Jim. You should talk to them about it.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Joanna said. “I wouldn’t know what to say.”  
  
“How about – Hey, Dad…I was just wondering why you’re cheating on Jim with my mother.”  
  
Joanna looked up at that, narrowing her eyes slightly. “My dad is  _not_  cheating on Jim.”  
  
“ _I_  know that…but if you ask like that, no matter what the answer is, it won’t be nearly as bad as thinking he’s cheating on Jim,” Janie said, as if the reasoning should be easy to follow.  
  
“I feel like I’m missing something. I mean, I know you’re trying to tell me something, but it’s not computing.”  
  
Janie rolled her eyes and gently nudged her. “I thought you were supposed to be the smart one,” she teased. “If you make him think you think the reason is the worst possible reason, he’ll want to tell you the real reason. Simple.”  
  
Jo laughed, and could only shake her head. “You are so ridiculous.”  
  
“Aw, and you love me for it.”

 

* * *

  
Joanna picked at her dinner, moving the food around on her plate to make it look like she’d eaten more than she had. Her father and Jim were talking about something having to do with work, but she wasn’t really paying attention. All she could think about was how to ask what she desperately wanted to know...and she didn’t know how…couldn’t figure out how to bring it up.  
  
“Jo?” Leonard asked, nudging her elbow. She looked up in surprise.  
  
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” she asked, focusing on them, and resisting the urge to cringe when she saw they were both looking at her with concern.  
  
“I asked if you were feeling okay. You’ve hardly eaten a bite,” her father repeated.  
  
“Oh, I’m fine, Daddy. Just not hungry. May I be excused?”  
  
“Uh…sure,” Leonard replied, exchanging glances with Jim.  
  
“Thanks,” she said. She picked up her plate and left it on the counter, then headed out of the kitchen. They watched her go, listened to her footfalls as she headed up the stairs.  
  
“Something’s up,” Jim said.  
  
“Ya think?” Leonard said. “Has she said anything to you?”  
  
“Nope. But she has been acting a little…off…over the last few days,” Jim said. He looked over at Leonard as he nodded in agreement, and reached across the table to him. “Hey…” he took Bones’ hand. “I’m sure, whatever it is, she’ll either work it out, or come to us with it.”  
  
“It’s just not like her to mope around like this,” Leonard said. “I don’t like it.”  
  
Jim smiled gently. “Bones…she is thirteen. We’ve been incredibly lucky that’s she’s been so even-keeled over the last few years. This…this is really not a big deal.”  
  
Leonard sighed. “I know. And I know how lucky we are. I just…” he shook his head, trying to find the words. “It doesn’t feel like it’s nothing.”  
  
Jim rubbed his thumb over Leonard’s knuckles, seeing his concern. “Okay…let’s go ask her.”  
  
“You think that’s a good idea?”  
  
Jim shrugged. “Well, she’ll either talk or she won’t. May as well let her know we’re not being fooled.”  
  
Together they got up and cleared the table, then headed upstairs. Not wanting to seem like they were ambushing her, Leonard knocked on her door, waiting for her invitation to enter. She was sitting on her bed, cross-legged, holding an envelope in her hands.  
  
“Jo, baby…” Leonard said, coming into the room. She looked up at them, and put the envelope down in her lap. Leonard noticed, but didn’t mention it. He sat on the edge of her bed and Jim pulled a desk chair over. “We just wanted to let you know that we know something’s up. And…you can talk to us about anything.” He paused when she bit her lip. “Anything, Jo. I mean it.”  
  
Jim nodded in agreement and watched as she sniffed, fiddled with the edge of the envelope in her lap. She looked up at them, a little guiltily.  
  
“I…I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings,” she said, glancing first at Jim, then looking back at her dad.  
  
“You won’t sweetie,” Jim said immediately. “You won’t hurt my feelings, if you have a question about something. Or if you want to talk to your dad alone…that’s fine too. We just wanted to make sure you know that you can talk to us…both of us, one of us…whatever you need.”  
  
“I don’t like seeing you so down, Baby,” Leonard said. “Especially if there might be something I can do to fix it.”  
  
Joanna let out a big sigh and blinked, watching as a couple of tears darkened the paper fibers. Hesitantly, she handed the envelope to her father.  
  
“This came in the mail a few days ago,” she said. “And I…” she stopped, shaking her head. “I just don’t understand.”  
  
Leonard swallowed and looked up at her, completely caught off guard. Out of all of the things that might be bothering her, this hadn’t even crossed his mind.  
  
“I mean, Daddy…you’re in contact with her? You never talk about her to me, but you’re writing each other?”  
  
Jim looked at him quizzically, and Bones handed him the envelope.  
  
“No – no Baby…is that what you think? No wonder you’re upset. Come here…” he moved toward her on the bed and gathered her in his arms, looking at Jim over her shoulder. He nodded slightly at the questioning look Jim was giving him, and watched as he opened the letter. “Jo – I haven’t spoken to, or had any contact with your mother, since you were an infant. I mean, I know how to get hold of her through her mother, but we don’t speak, write or email each other at all.”  
  
“Then…Daddy…what…?”  
  
“She’s moving,” Jim said, skimming the letter quickly. “She’s moving out of the country, and just wanted Leonard to know – just in case.”  
  
“In case of what?” Joanna asked.  
  
“Well…I don’t know, Darlin’. We haven’t come across anything that we needed to contact her for. But she’s moving out of the country, and she just wanted me to know. But I’m not in contact with her.”  
  
Jo pulled back and wiped her cheeks, stared at her hands in her lap. “I guess…I just wish I knew why not? A lot of my friends’ parents are divorced…they still get to see both parents. Not…that…” she flushed, looking up at Jim. “I mean…I love you Uncle Jim…you’re my Oidde…”  
  
“I know, Jo. I know,” he said. “It’s okay…I understand, and I’m not hurt,” Jim said quickly, wanting to reassure her. He looked up at Bones, who was looking distinctly uncomfortable, knowing that this had completely blindsided him.  
  
“Okay, thank you. Daddy…why can’t I ever see her, or talk to her? Is it because…” she stopped, biting her lip, and flushed again.  
  
Leonard sighed, ran a hand through his hair. “It’s…complicated, Jo.”  
  
“I know she didn’t want me,” Jo said quietly. “I just wondered…if she still felt that way.”  
  
Leonard reached for her hands and held her, looking up at Jim. Compassion and concern was shining in those blue eyes. They knew something like this would happen eventually. They’d talked about how they were going to handle it. Knowing didn’t make it any easier at all.  
  
“Jo, you deserve some answers. We’ve been waiting, because it is a difficult situation, and we wanted to make sure you were mature enough to understand it. And…I think it’s time.”  
  
She looked up at them, at both Jim and her father, and felt relief. Because even though she knew it wasn’t going to be easy, she would finally get some answers.  
  
And then, maybe, she’d be able to let her mother go.


	2. Chapter 2

Jim watched as Leonard filled a glass with ice and water, and then put it down on the counter without taking a sip. Turning his back to Jim, Leonard braced his hands on the counter and closed his eyes.  
  
“How the hell am I going to explain this to her?” he muttered. “How can I answer her questions without hurting her?”  
  
Jim looked at him sympathetically, and moved closer to him, wrapping his arms around him from behind, trying to impart comfort to him. This was still a difficult topic for Bones, he knew. Having to explain it to Joanna wasn’t going to be easy.  
  
“I don’t think you can,” Jim said. “Not if you’re going to be honest with her.”  
  
Leonard snorted and straightened. Jim let him go as he turned around to glare at him.  
  
“That’s not really helping, Jim,” he said.  
  
Jim raised a shoulder in a half shrug, a sympathetic smile on his face. “It is what it is, Bones. It’s not an easy situation…and it’s gonna hurt. But I think it’ll hurt her more if she doesn’t get some straight answers about this.”  
  
Leonard sighed, ran a hand over his face. “I know. I just…wish there wasn’t a need for her to have to ask these questions at all.” He looked up and caught the expression on Jim’s face before he could smooth it away.  
  
“Oh…no. Jim – I didn’t mean…”  
  
“I know, Bones. I know. It’s okay.”  
  
Leonard wanted to say more – make sure Jim  _really_  knew that what he’d said hadn’t come out the way he’d intended—but there wasn’t time right now. He could hear Jo coming down the stairs.  
  
“Dad?” she called.  
  
“Coming Jo. You want some water?”  
  
“No, thank you.”  
  
Jim put a hand on Bones’ shoulder, and gave him a gentle squeeze, conveying his support. “Just keep it simple, Bones. It’ll be okay.”  
  
 _Nothing about this is simple,_  Leonard thought as he nodded.  
  
Jim followed Leonard out to the family room. Jo was curled up on the couch, leaning her back against the arm rest. Leonard sat on the couch next to her, and Jim brought over one of the other chairs in the room and sat so he could see both of them. He didn’t really anticipate playing a role in this conversation, but Bones wanted him there, and he wanted to be there…for both of them.  
  
Jo was looking at her father expectantly, and Bones was trying not to look uncomfortable. He might’ve been able to hide how unsettled about all of this from Joanna, but he wasn’t able to fool Jim.  
  
“Jo, I’m gonna be honest with you here,” he said. “I don’t feel ready for this conversation. But, Jim and I both feel that you deserve to know more. So…here we are. But I need you to be patient with me.”  
  
Recognizing that this was very difficult for her father, and unaccustomed to hearing and seeing him so uncertain, Joanna nodded, wide-eyed.  
  
“Okay Daddy,” she said.  
  
Leonard took a breath and looked up at her. He hardly thought of Jocelyn any more…but he could see her in Jo’s beautiful face when he looked for her.  
  
“Okay. So…I met Jocelyn when I was pretty young…still learning to be a doctor. And we got married pretty fast.”  
  
“Why?” Joanna asked. “Did she get pregnant?”  
  
“What? No,” Leonard said, flushing slightly. He just was not used to hearing his baby girl ask a question like that so nonchalantly. “No, we were married when she got pregnant.”  
  
Joanna looked at Jim quizzically, and he knew what was coming…could see it in her eyes.  
  
“So…why did you get married?”  
  
Leonard sighed and shrugged slightly. “We became friends first, and we thought we’d found something in each other that we each needed. And we thought…I thought…we were in love. So…we got married. And a couple of years later, Jocelyn got pregnant.”  
  
“But she didn’t want me,” Joanna said quietly.  
  
“Jo…it wasn’t  _you_  she didn’t want,” Jim said, glancing at Bones as he spoke. Bones nodded, reaching to take his little girl’s hands.  
  
“That’s right. Jocelyn…liked the life she had. She liked the social life, and her work, and she never intended to have a child. And I…well, I was so busy all the time at the hospital, I figured that we’d cross that bridge later.”  
  
“So I was an accident?” Jo asked. Leonard gave her a look.  
  
“You were a surprise. Jocelyn was on birth control…but she got pregnant with you. And when she told me, I just…” He stopped, shaking his head. “I felt like the baby was a gift, and I convinced Jocelyn to have you. Because once I had the thought in my head, and felt it in my heart…I wanted a baby. And then, we had you.”  
  
“And once I was born…she still didn’t want me,” Jo said again, her eyes starting to shine with tears.  
  
Leonard pressed his lips together and reached out to brush a tear off her cheek.  
  
“Some people aren’t cut out to be parents, Jo. Jocelyn was one of them. She just…didn’t want to share her life with anyone. So, she did the only responsible thing she could do. She told me the truth, and we decided to go our separate ways, and you came with me.” He paused, looking at his beautiful baby girl, a small smile on his face. “And Baby, you were the best thing that ever happened to me.”  
  
Joanna looked up at him. “I made you and…Jocelyn…get a divorce,” she said.  
  
“We should never have gotten married,” Leonard said immediately. “I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s not who I am…and she wasn’t who I was supposed to spend my life with.” He looked at Jim and reached out take his hand. “But I have  _never_  regretted the time we had together, because she gave me you.”  
  
“Do…do you think that she’d ever want to meet me?” Joanna asked.  
  
“I don’t know Baby. Do you want to meet her?” Leonard asked, not sure how he felt about that possibility.  
  
But Joanna surprised him. She didn’t answer right away, but looked between Jim and her father for a moment, biting her bottom lip.  
  
“I don’t know. I love you, and I love you, Uncle Jim. And I love our family. And…I don’t think I want to do anything to change that right now. Anyway, she didn’t want a baby…why would she want a teenager? ” she said, a little bitterly.  
  
“Come here,” he said. Joanna moved to him, and he wrapped her in his arms, holding her tightly and kissing her head. “I know it’s hard to understand, Jo…why someone wouldn’t want to be a parent…but in the end, what matters is she cared enough about what your life was going to be like to be honest about how she felt. And I will always be grateful for that.”  
  
“Me too, I guess,” Joanna said.  
  
“Do you have any other questions, Baby?” Leonard asked.  
  
“Not right now, Daddy. I just…I’d like to just think about it for a while.”  
  
“Okay, Jo.” He let her go, and she stood, moving to Jim to hug him tightly.  
  
“I love you  _Oidde_. I wouldn’t want anyone but you anyway,” she said.  
  
“I love you too, Jo. So much. You’ll let us know if you want to talk about anything else, right?”  
  
“Right…I just…need some time alone. Thank you for telling me, Daddy.”  
  
They watched as she headed up the stairs, then turned to each other.  
  
“Well, that went as well as can be expected,” Jim said.  
  
“You think she’s going to be okay?” Leonard asked worriedly.  
  
Jim moved to the couch, sitting beside him and urging him to relax into his embrace. “Yes, I do,” he said. “She’s got you.”  
  
“She’s got us.”


End file.
